3rd Feb

Dont you just hate stomach aches? Only I dont get NORMAL stomach aches I get these fucking IBS ones... and I have SEVERE IBS, constant fucking pain. They're much worse than stomach aches believe me I get both CONSTANTLY. But whatever, Deal.

I got discharged from the hospital last week, not because I'm better but because they gave up on me. Theres nothing they could do! But tbh, after two - almost three years with this I'm giving up on me too.

So I'm going a bit book crazy atm, so many I've ordered even though I was SUPPOSED to be saving my money for Florida...

Holidays are really bad luck for me lol. I'm over complaining about it cause it wont make a difference. But I mean, every time we go to America one of our pets dies and we only have the cat left now... I should get a pet caterpillar or something ;). And I ALWAYS have an accident whether its getting dragged out to sea on an inflatable killer whale and having to be rescued or just tripping over and grabbing hold to a free before I fall on my face only to have my hands graze all down the tree and leave me with over 20 splinters in my hands for the rest of the holiday LMAO. So yeah, I'm a holiday omen, and now with the IBS worse than ever...

Yeah the doctor, scary man, told be to go BACK on my old medication so I did... two days later I am in agony seriously my stomach was so swollen I felt and looked pregnant! God and I missed more school... I seriously haven't been in a full week of school in forever.

My attendance of course sucks, which will hinder my future. I want to go to this catholic college next year, but if they see my attendance records before I can explain in an interview I'm basically screwed. And if I DO get in I'm still crewed cause its not like this illness will magically disappear, I'm in for life. Sucks, but its true.

So yeahh,, I dont know if I ever MENTIONED my actual physical illness before... I know I mentioned my social anxieties and such but yeah. I dont talk about my IBS, its embarrassing I mean who wants to know about that stuff right? LOL

So yeah, Every freaking day I'm worrying about my future, how I'm going to deal with this I mean I want a good job, how am I gonna get that if I can barely get out of the freaking house?

On a brighter note I'm dealing mentally a lot better. My mum seems to think I'm getting better so the act is working :)

I'm also going to more parties, but thats just coincidence I think... but I pulled out of prom. I dont want to go. I mean why should I pay a shitload of money for a dress I'm going to wear once in a crappy hotel hall... probably with no date cause I know my friends all made a pact to go together even if they have boyfriends... which if you ask me is just stupid. Mind you nearly all the boys in my year are GROSS AS! Seriously, my school needs more hotties I really need to get into that college ;)

On Wednesdays for games we go down to the local leisure centre to use the gym. Usually I see my fittie 'friend' (though hes not really my friend anymore... we dont speak, just smile at each other when we cross paths... hes the Bill guy I always talk about) going for a swim, hes gotta nice body. Only he wasnt there today much to my friends disappointment, she was so bummed it was hilarious, I mean I'm not really that bothered he was a bit too bulky for my liking I just liked his face... so yeah but we played table tennis so I was happy!

I have loadsa coursework deadlines for next week which I am SO behind on. Oh my god. I have an English essay and my Business coursework to do as well as a SHITLOAD of art -facepalm- I have only one weekend to do it in and I'm going to a party Saturday and Friday evening is no good either... so I've basically got Saturday morning and Sunday to do it all.

Anyways that was an insight into my amazing life, I'm late for bed now. G'night :D