31st May 2009

OK so I'm back.

I wont be posting EVERYDAY cause lets face it my life is pretty boring. I've basically been in the house all day revising and watching TV (mainly the latter).

School tomorrow, I am not looking forward to it, I'm really nervous. I have rubbish lessons too which sucks. I just hope I'm not ill tomorrow. I kinda to get the bus home (in case Bill is there of course) but I dont really want to bump into Mandy. Anyway, I havent eaten too much today so hopefully tomorrow wont be so bad.

I dont think I have actually spoken to ANY of my girlfriends all week, how pathetic.
I basically hang around with a few girl mates at school but I dont often hang around outside of school with them, we used to be close but then one of them was really horrible to me and so I moved to new big group of friends with a friend from the original group, she fitted in right away but me being more shy couldnt really get 'in' with them and I eventually got ditched by the 'original' friend. I made friends with Mandy* and her group within the big group (I know, its complicated) but in the summer holidays last year I fell out with her over something stupid and she now hangs around with the 'cool kids', and I went back to my original group, they were happy to have me back but I was a bit withdrawn, I dont really regret it as Mandy introduced me to Bill and I'm still friends with a few people from the group, Hannah* for instance, shes my best friend, we've been nest friends for about 1 1/2 years (all this happened over a looonnnggg period of time).

So yea, I havent really talked to any of them, Hannah has been away on holiday and shes the only person I really hang around with outside of school and thats only a few times a month, but shes in most of my classes in school so I see her all the time.

I dont know how I come across to people, I think I appear differently to different people. Some I'm friendly, others I'm a bit anti-social. But thats just depending on my mood and whether I like them I suppose. Anyway I need to do some homework before school tomorrow and its almost 10pm and I dont want to stay up past 10:30pm as being more tired tomorrow is the last thing I need.

Sweet Dreams :)

*Changed the names

30th May 2009

My first post!

OK, So I just finished watching the final of Britain's got Talent. I'm so glad diversity won they deserved it and I'm quite pleased that Susan Boyle didn't she made me cringe watching her, I know she cant help it bless her but I don't think her act was brilliant either I think it was more the publicity. I liked Aidan (I think that's his name) but I don't think he had enough time to prepare for a new routine and the kid from Swansea was wicked, Oh and I loved the Shaun Smith guy, yum.

I went shopping today, got the new fashion for aids Tokio Hotel t-shirt (picture at the top, that's the boy version, I got the girl version). I'm so pleased I actually clapped when I saw it. I also got some shorts, sandals and sunglasses to make a whole new outfit, I didn't realise what I bought actually went together until I got home which was a bonus.

It was really sunny today, hot too. Well for the UK. All the students were outside and everyone was wearing summer outfits. I saw this lush summer dress in topshop, I'm saving up to get it.

I haven't been very ill today which is fab, I wasn't ill much yesterday either. Must be a record!

Barely any pain except a bit of a stomach ache after too much ice cream (it was hot outside OK!). I'm still exhausted though.

In case anyone was wondering I have poor health, Its not life threatening (I don't think), but its affecting my life big time (its long-term, 2 years in counting). The only problem is I don't actually know whats wrong with me. I'm always off school and going into the doctors. Last week I went to hospital and they took my blood pressure and stuff + told me to eat a normal diet (cause I was previously on a gluten free diet cause I thought it might be coeliacs), so now for about 8 weeks I have to feel like shit, I mean I still felt like crap when I was on the gluten,onion,artificial sweeteners,caffeine free diet but it was not as bad. So I have to be 'normal' for the rest of the school year, which isn't brilliant as I've got exams and being ill all the time means I miss A LOT of school. I think one of my teachers worked out that I was away for 1 day a week, which is REALLY bad. I have 3 GCSEs coming up in the next few weeks. Its almost the end of half term and I've barely revised. I've been to tired, I may come across as lazy but I just don't have any energy, even now I am half asleep. I've done really bad in my practice tests at school and I'm dreaded the proper exams. I already have to go in a separate exam room than the other kids, I'm stuck with the kids who 'need more time' (though I don't get more time), I must look dumb to everyone which is weird cause I'm in top sets (not to boast, just saying), they must know somethings up cause I already don't go to registration, my friends know its always like 'shes ill again' or 'late again!' or 'going home?' but I don't really blame them it must get annoying.

The worst thing about my illness is that I don't have a social life, I'm too tired after school to go out, or I'm in too much pain, or I'm just too damn scared it'll flare up when I'm out which'll be totally embarrassing. So my friends don't really bother asking me to come out. I don't really mind I've kind of got used to being in the house, I've always been an 'inni' preferring to stay at home with a movie than well go to a friends house for a movie. But I know I am missing out on loads, I mean I cant go to house parties and stuff without worrying if the alcohol will flare it up or even if it will just flare up itself. Its hard.

And don't even get me thinking about boys. There's this guy I really like, lets call him Bill, anyways I really really like him, have done for about a year (since I met him) and since christmas we've become good friends, but its the kind of crush friendship if you know what I mean. As in we never crossed over into the 'proper friendship zone' as we (well I) don't want to be his 'just friend'. His friends think he likes me. But I cant go out with him, I'd have to explain my condition and its embarrassing and I'm pretty sure it'd put him off being with me after all in case I didn't mention he is HOT and I'm not just saying that, many people say it even some of the 'cooler' girls. Hes in the year above, hes 'toned, dark and handsome' (hes not tall but I'm a shortie so its all good), hes got great arm muscles and the nicest personality, I used to see him all the time on the bus after and sometimes before school if I went to reg, but hes left school now and only comes in for exams, I still chat to him on IM now and again though, anyways I'm moving of the subject... in case I didn't mention hes hot and I'm kinda not, I mean I'm not hideous or obese, but I'm no bikini model (did I mention I have LOW self-esteem lol).

So yea that's a catch-up of my life kinda, you'll get to know more in the future posts, I'm off to watch some Full House before going to bed. Night!