6th Aug

I got cancelled on. Typical. I mean I'm not really mad cause I hadn't done any sketches anyways I just wish she told me sooner, its not her fault she had to go to London but all the same she could have told me earlier today and I could have rented a DVD or something for tomorrow or some skittles... No I have to start eating healthier, I've put on 3-4 pounds since the holidays have started as I havent had to watch what I eat, and plus I never eat meals at school whereas at home my sister always checks that I've eaten lunch and breakfast (she doesnt want me to be taller AND skinnier than her ;)) though I do forget to eat quite a lot, I forgot to eat tea last night due to my computer mishap, I was lying in bed at like 3am reading cause I couldnt sleep and was like, why do I feel hungry, then I remembered that I'd forgotten to eat. Really it happens a lot thats why my mum always makes us eat as a family I'm so forgetful and get distracted so easily. Her sister was anorexic so shes always worried me and my sister will be. Thats why she was so worried when I was 'mentally unstable' (I wasnt, I just dont know how else to describe it, just a slight breakdown? Anxiety disorder syndrome? whatever) and a lot when I wouldnt eat, its happened a few times I suppose I was on the verge of an eating disorder but not really, I mean I wasnt skinny or anything but... well its complicated.

I am having another go at doing the picture for my depression post on the other blog, after the other project fucked up on me.

Guess what I found out today, my dad gave my sister £50 behind my back, so I was annoyed then when I came home he unaware that I knew this info told me and said he would give me that much but not to tell my mum because she didnt think I was responsible enough, my mum was the one who told me about my sister getting the money!! So anyway I forgave my dad, hes extra stressed recently as he might loose his job anyday soon... they're trying to coax people into volunteering to become redundant before forcing people and my mum doesnt help egging him on his rants. I just hope he dont have a heart attack, I mean hes overweight and gets stressed easily, he has high blood pressure too... I mean I'm sure we'll just about cope financially as my mum earns more money than him and he has life insurance but... OMG WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?! horrible horrible thought!! I am only just starting to get along with him.

OH and more bad new today, my perfect eyesight? no longer. I went to the opticians today and normal its oh perfect eyesight but not today I'm apparently leaning towards short sightedness which I mean I kinda get, I'm always either reading, on my laptop or watching Films/TV but its still a blow. I mean I dont need glasses or anything but she says 'theres some progress' and I need to be checked more regularly. I'm kinda worried cause my mum didnt become short sighted till he was 17 and my eyes are my best feature. Not to sound big headed or anything but I have really nice eyes, they're like this really bold green, with all these colours in them and I have nice long lashes which you wont even be able to see if I have glasses on! Damn you laptop, TV and books!

Talking of, I started a new book. Well I read a few pages of To Kill A Mocking Bird but I thought I'd read my library ones first as they need to be returned sooner. I am now reading How to be Popular when your a Social Reject Like Me by Meg Cabot. Its ok, quite funny actually it a story not a manual, I dont want to be popular thanks :P

Oh my, I looked like such a chav today. Well ok, probably not reeeaaally but I did for my, if you knew be you'd be thinking that I didnt look right. I mean I'm definitely not emo, I dont really fit in a label a I wear what I feel like but my usual look is kinda... rocky? Well it wasn't really my fault it just happened. When I washed my hair I didnt brush it as I was rushing around doing other stuff so my fringe instead of being normal was slicked back in two big cowlicks, so I decided oh my gosh I cannot pull it back down and I dont have time to re-wash it so I did my best with the straighteners, curlers and hairdryer and in the end just clipped it back, but somehow amongst the teasing and blowing and twisting it looked chavvy... like I had extensions in. And then I was really hot after all the heat from the appliances so decided I'd wear my white shorts and then I saw my new blue and white checked shirt which I now totally regret buying but... and the shirt wouldnt button up all the way so I was forced to reveal a bit of cleavage (which would have been ok if I wasnt showing some leg too) and I couldnt do my usual black eye makeup as it'd look weird so I went all white and silver but put too much mascara on. I think a combination of this made it well not me, dont get me wrong it was an awesome look just so not me. I should have put on the gray cardie I had with me then it would have looked less chavvy but I was too hot. Oh and my grey conversey shoes? yea rubbed like hell!! :P

So anyway back to my photo project!! I'll give you a preview... Its slightly emoishhh which totally isnt me but come on, its about depression its hardly gonna be bunny's prancing about in a daisy field! Oh please do not use the picture, it is mine (Hence the Janeyyy94) and I really dont want pictures of my legs everywhere.